One night in the spring of 1991, our daughters were settling into bed after a delightful evening of “family week” activities at our church. Sally and I had just watched the film, The Blessing,1 featuring Gary Smalley and John Trent. The film left me with overwhelming feelings of inadequacy as I pondered my calling, responsibility, and deep longing as a father to be a blessing to my children. The weight of these feelings was heavy on me as our bedtime prayers came to a close.
1. The Blessing, produced by Jeff Bowden, 60 min, Thomas Nelson, 1991, videocassette.
As a pastor, I was accustomed to pronouncing “benedictions,” but not until that moment did I consider pronouncing a benediction or “blessing” over my children. Not until that moment did these girls feel their daddy’s right hand on their heads as he called upon the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob to bless them. Not until that moment did I feel such assurance from my heavenly Father that he would be for my daughters a blessing of infinite value beyond all that I could hope to be. Not until that moment did I, with such earnest and desperate desire, look into the eyes of each daughter and say,
May the LORD bless you and keep you!
May the LORD make his face shine on you and be gracious to you!
May the LORD lift up his countenance on you and give you peace! (Num. 6:24–26)
That night, “the blessing” became part of our bedtime routine. As our daughters made their way toward womanhood, our routine changed a bit. The after-supper wrestling matches, bedtime stories on my lap, and airplane rides into bed became either impossible or no longer cool, but for both daddy and daughters, the daily bedtime blessing continued to be cherished as long as they were living at home.
Many bedtimes have come and gone since that first night of blessing. The two little girls are now older than I was on that night, and the bedtime routine we once knew is now a precious memory. Along the way, there have been poignant moments of blessing that even now, as I call them to mind, bring a lump to my throat and tears to my eyes—moments in dorm rooms and airports, moments at graduations, baptisms, a wedding, surgeries, and other significant events—moments when I would look into the eyes of my grown-up “little girls,” hug them dearly, pray with them, and give them one last blessing before the miles separated us. With my hand on their shoulders and familiar words of blessing on their heads, my heart overflowed again and again with longings that the Father of infinite blessing would satisfy them beyond all that their earthly father could hope for.
My earnest desire in this article is to encourage fathers with the many benefits of blessing their children and to give some practical suggestions—in the hopes that Christian fathers everywhere will take up this biblical practice for the eternal good of their children.
What is a Blessing?
In his book, The Family Blessing, Rolf Garborg provides a helpful definition of this kind of biblical blessing—namely, “the intentional act of speaking God’s favor and power into someone’s life, often accompanied by a symbolic gesture such as laying hands on the person.”2 A blessing has a bi-directional focus. It is both a prayer to God for his blessing in my child’s life and an expression to my child of my vision and heart’s desire for him.
2. Garborg, Rolf. The Family Blessing (Dallas: Word Publishing Company), 1990.
We see this clearly in Numbers 6:23b–27 when the Lord, through Moses, gives this instruction to Aaron and his sons:
Thus you shall bless the people of Israel; you shall say to them, “The LORD bless you, and keep you; the LORD make his face to shine on you and be gracious to you; the LORD lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace.” So they shall put my name upon the people of Israel, and I will bless them. (emphasis added)
When I placed my hand on my daughter’s head and pronounced that first blessing from Numbers 6, I was asking God to bless, keep, make his face shine upon, be gracious to, lift up his countenance upon, and give peace to my daughter. And I was also looking into my daughter’s eyes, “putting [God’s] name” and Word upon her and expressing my earnest desire for God’s blessing in her life.
The Fruits of Blessing
In the years that I have been using blessings in my role as a father, grandfather, pastor, and as a leader of Truth78, I have discovered that, alongside the joy of being an instrument of blessing in another’s life, there is much fruit to enjoy from this practice. The practice of blessing one’s children:
1. Acknowledges God as the source of every blessing.
Based on a biblical understanding, the most obvious benefit of this practice is that it is a means of God’s blessing on his people. Of course, God is not obligated to act according to the blessings we invoke any more than he is obligated to give us what we ask for in prayer. Nevertheless, we bless in the same confidence that we pray, knowing that God is faithful to his Word and delights to act in response to the faith of his people.
2. Gives children a vision for what we desire most for them.
The blessing is not only given in the presence of God, but also in the presence of the ones being blessed. As parents, we care that our children have a good education, good health, a good spouse, and a good job. We expend a great deal of energy and resources toward these ends. As important as these things are, they fade when compared to those things that have eternal value. The blessing is a way for children to hear and understand what their father desires most for them. Night after night, my daughters heard me express my desire that they fear the Lord and delight to do his will. They heard the hope that the Lord would be their counselor all the days of their lives and that he would always be set before them. They catch a vision for being like Mount Zion, which cannot be shaken but endures forever (Ps. 125:1), and for having their names remembered by the Lord forever (Ps. 112:6).
3. Gives comfort and reassurance.
The blessing is a reminder of the presence of God and his care for us: “Even while you sleep, may the Lord instruct your heart” (adapted from Ps. 16:7), “May the Lord watch over you and be a shade at your right hand so the sun will not harm you by day nor the moon by night” (adapted from Ps. 121:5–6), and “May the Lord answer you when you pray and relieve you in distress” (adapted from Ps. 4:1). A blessing can be a reminder of God’s presence to a fearful child in the darkness of night. It can minister the Lord’s peace to an anxious soul awaiting surgery or struggling with a critical illness or disease. For those who grieve, the blessing may inspire hope and comfort in believing as we call upon the God of hope to fill them with all joy and peace (Rom. 15:13).
4. Strengthens the bonds of affection between children and parents.
God used the blessing to knit my heart to my daughters’ hearts with a deep affection and love, which I trust will endure for a lifetime. By itself, the blessing cannot take the place of faithful parenting. We ought not be deceived into thinking that we can bless our children once a day while ignoring them and their needs the rest of the time. However, combined with faithful parenting, the blessing can be a powerful tool in strengthening bonds of affection and establishing our children firmly in faith.
5. Heals strained relationships.
The blessing can give children assurance of parental love after a hard day. It is not uncommon for there to be days when a parent and child become irritated or angry with each other and perhaps say or do things that are hurtful. There are also days when a child disobeys and is punished by the same hand that blesses. At the end of such a day, it can be a great encouragement for that child to hear words of blessing directed toward him. It provides a way for the parent to say, “In spite of what has happened between us today, I still love you, and the desire of my heart is for your good.”
6. Encourages men in their role as spiritual leaders.
Even though it is fitting for anyone to bless another (Rom. 12:14; 1 Pet. 3:9), it is especially fitting for husbands and fathers to initiate the practice of blessing in their homes. Regularly blessing his wife and children is one simple and positive way for a man to exercise spiritual leadership in the home.
7. Touches the future.
Blessings have a forward view. This is obvious in the prophetic blessings of the patriarchs, but it is also true of ordinary blessings. The fact that many blessings were given at moments of parting or separation points to the future orientation of the blessing. When we say to someone, “The Lord bless you and keep you,” we are not only seeking God’s blessing for the moment but also God’s blessing to continue on them into the future, even on their descendants after them.
Blessing Suggestions
Having spent most of my life blessing others, I offer a few practical suggestions below:
- Eye Contact and Touch. Look your child in the eye and, when possible, place your hand on their shoulder, head, or back as a way to communicate two crucial things: (1) the affection associated with the blessing, and (2) the symbolic “imparting” or “invoking” a blessing from God upon them. This same idea is communicated in group settings by lifting one or both hands over the group as the blessing is pronounced.
- Memorize. I encourage people to memorize the scripture they will speak because it frees them to make eye contact with the people they are blessing, and it helps the words flow from the heart. Memorizing can be almost effortless if you are blessing your children daily.
- Speak God’s Word. A Father’s Guide to Blessing His Children3 is a collection of blessings that I regularly spoke over my daughters as they were growing up. Some were direct quotes from a portion of Scripture. Others were inspired by a text and adapted to fit a blessing format. Almost all are the fruit of personal Bible reading and prayer.
3. David Michael, A Father’s Guide to Blessing His Children, Truth78, 2018.
Blessings remind me that I can be an instrument of blessing, not only with a particular set of words and the laying on of a hand, but also by the way I live my life and demonstrate my faith before those who look to me as an example. I want to end with one of my favorite blessings that reflects my earnest prayer and desire that God would use you to bless others with your words and with your life.
May you be a person who fears the Lord,
and who greatly delights in his commandments.
May your children be mighty in the land.
Even to the next generation, may you and your children be blessed.
May you find your wealth and your riches in God.
May your righteousness endure forever.
Even in the darkness may the light dawn for you.
May you abound in love, joy, peace, patience, kindness,
goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.
May you never be shaken.
And may your name, and the names of all whom you bless,
be remembered by the Lord, forever. Amen! (Ps. 112:1–6; Gal. 5:22–23)
[Editor’s Note: This article is adapted from A Father’s Guide to Blessing His Children, Truth78, 2018.]
