How does a biblical view of singleness change the way we live faithful Christian single lives? While much could be written, here are three exhortations for my fellow Christian singles. These exhortations build on the theological foundation laid down by Stephen Wellum and provide practical insights for those who are living as singles—either now or in the future.[1]
1. While married men and women should not dwell on the possibility of losing their spouse, the realities of death and divorce remind us that singleness does not always only precede marriage. Sometimes, singleness returns to the man or woman who is now faithfully married. That’s the point being made here, and why this article should be read by all Christians, not just those who are currently single.
1. Focus on Maturity, Not Marriage
What’s more important, for a single person to be godly or to be married? To be sure, both have value, but many conversations around singleness are wrongly oriented as if marriage is the final destination: “Be godly in singleness”—in anticipation of a spouse, or “find contentment in singleness”—so that it may lead to a spouse. The issue with that type of thinking isn’t the beauty of marriage, or the desire to make the most of whatever single-minded story God has situated us in, but this fact: the desired outcome is not the final destination. Singles don’t need to seek spiritual maturity in order to manufacture marital outcomes. Singleness does not exist in service to marriage, but in view of the new creation, singleness exists in service to God.
In light of the new creation, marriage is God’s gift that displays the typological reality of Christ’s relationship to the church, whereas singleness is God’s gift which displays the actual reality of the Christian’s lived experience in the new heavens and new earth. If then, the goal is to “present everyone mature in Christ” (Col. 1:28), then the goalposts for singles need to shift beyond mere marriage to maturity. More than half of those currently married will be single again in this life. And all of us will “neither marry nor [be] given in marriage” in the new creation (Matt. 22:30). So any investment we make into godly living in our singleness is of eternal significance.
Reframing the goals of singleness from merely marriage to maturity means embracing the challenges and blessings of singleness. The spiritual status of Christian singles is more important than their marital status.
2. Find Contentment within your Circumstances
What does it mean to be content in our singleness? Again, many Christians can view contentment in singleness as a means to the end of marriage. But contentment isn’t meant to be a condition holding marriage hostage, but rather a God-glorifying empowering satisfaction within someone’s circumstances, not despite it.
Can we echo the words of Paul in 1 Corinthians 7:8: “It is good for [the unmarried and widows] to remain as I am”? Do we envision and encourage a vision of singleness that doesn’t inevitably lead to marriage? Singleness that is inextricably tied to marriage will lead to dissatisfaction because it is focused on what it lacks, not what it has.
What makes singleness a gift? We can take time to parse out the unique contributions singleness provides to the advance of the gospel (e.g. focus, flexibility, and freedom), but regardless of our list, satisfaction in singleness is primarily rooted in Christ. Singleness positively points towards the future new creation. Every Christian single foreshadows the reality for all people in the new heavens and the new earth—a symbol of what is to come. As Christian singles rejoice and trust in Christ’s work in their lives, they show the world that what they possess is of more value than their relationship status. If marital relationships are earthly symbols of our relationship with Christ, singles who practice proactive contentment in their relationship with Jesus prove Christ’s sufficiency.[2] In both cases, Christians are called to serve Jesus as their ultimate treasure.
2. “If marriage shows us the shape of the gospel, singleness shows us its sufficiency” (7 Myths About Singleness, 120).
Contentment in singleness does not mean that legitimate difficulties do not apply to the single life. Sickness can be isolating and debilitating. Household chores can’t be done by (or blamed on) others. Christ’s call for contentment doesn’t require a denial of unique hardship, but trust through hardship. Our contentment in singleness in difficulty reveals the value of what we possess.
The hope for the single person doesn’t lie in a change in marital status, but in the work of Christ. And in Christ, we are able to trust and press to see his glory in the midst of our circumstances.
3. Foster Familial Relationships
Jesus promises in Mark 10:29-31 that those who leave “house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or lands” for his sake will receive a hundred-fold in this life. Jesus’s guarantee doesn’t just apply to future glory, but our present reality. Jesus says his followers will possess familial bonds greater than any of those that are lost in order to follow him.
Singles can live robust familial lives in the church. Here are two connections we can make between the church and spiritual family:
New Covenant Birth
First, Jesus tells Nicodemus that in order to see the kingdom of God, one must be born again (John 3:3). In the new covenant community, we get to celebrate new birth whenever someone is regenerated by the power of the Holy Spirit. As singles, we participate in that work as we share the Gospel and celebrate baptism, the initiatory act of obedience for new Christians..
Matthew 28:18–20 serves as a model of new covenant procreation for us. In Genesis 1:26–27 we see God give a creation mandate for humanity to physically procreate (“be fruitful and multiply”) in order to increase image bearers that image God’s rule over all the earth (“fill the earth and subdue it”). Using some of these same categories, Jesus provides a new creation mandate in Matthew 28 that urges his people to “make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you.”
The way the New Creation spreads in the new covenant is through the proclamation of the Gospel to all nations (“fill the earth”), baptizing in the name of the Trinity (“be fruitful and multiply”), and teaching the commands of Jesus (“subdue”). While single Christians may not participate in physical procreation and its benefits, they may participate in the greater reality of bringing about newborn sons and daughters into the kingdom of God.
In fact, this is exactly what we see taking place in the letters of Paul, Peter, and John, as these apostles speak of their disciples as true sons in the faith (1 Tim. 1:2; Titus 1:4; 1 Pet. 5:13) and children walking in the truth (3 John 4). May we adopt the same vision, and see our disciples as beloved children in God’s household. In this way, we will experience the joy of Isaiah, where the barren woman is promised a full household (Isaiah 54:1–3) and the eunuch will be a fruitful vine (Isa. 56:4–5).
New Covenant Love
Next, singleness also allows us to invest into our spiritual families in ways that married members of our churches cannot. Paul wants the unmarried man to be devoted to the Lord without distraction (1 Cor. 7:35). He doesn’t desire married people to resent the responsibilities of marriage—after all, it points to the greater mystery of Christ and the church (Eph. 5:22–33). But singleness allows us to focus with an undivided attention on the things of the Lord. What does Jesus want from us? To focus on the Lord, which invariably leads us to love each other.
In John 13:35 Jesus instructs us that the way the world will know that we are his disciples is if we have love for one another. Undivided devotion to the Lord leads to an undivided devotion to the Lord’s people. Jesus himself demonstrates this when asking “‘Who is my mother and who are my brothers?’ Stretching out his hand toward his disciples, he said, ‘Here are my mother and my brothers! For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.’” (Matthew 12:48b–50). Singleness allows us to make this decision in our priority of our church family.
Singleness provides a different set of conveniences and inconveniences. The church helps us channel our time for the advancement of God’s glory. We possess a flexibility married people do not. That isn’t so that we can revel in idle self-indulgence, but so that we can serve the body. Like Paul the Apostle, John Stott, Lottie Moon, and plenty of other godly singles, we can leverage our flexibility and focus to serve the kingdom. Late night discipling, babysitting, missions work, etc. are the single’s great advantage, and not a demotion. There is no such thing as selfish singleness in the Christian life.
But this relationship goes both ways, and the church as family can care for singles in meaningful ways: meals and medicine in sickness, companionship in loneliness, rides to church, godly examples of manhood and womanhood. The church family provides community of friendship that doubles our joys and halves our pain.
Conclusion
Marriage is good. But Christian maturity is far better—and eternal. Contented singles who give themselves to the cause of Christ are living windows into the new creation. As we who are single seek to glorify the Lord in faithful living in our churches, we point to the joy and satisfaction we currently possess in Christ, which will be fully realized when we see our Savior face to face.
