If you listened to radical gender theorists today, here is what you would think is the single biggest problem in America: strong men. Men, the radical gender theorists have told us, are especially problematic. Men are worse than women. If our society would just become more feminine, our social wounds would heal.
Masculinity is toxic, we are told.
As I have argued in my book The War on Men, this ideological crusade amounts to nothing less than an ongoing campaign against men. In response, many men are struggling. In what follows, I will examine four ways that men sinfully react to this hostile environment, contrasting them with four qualities in the kind of man we need today.
Four Forms of Deficient Manhood
First, some men disappear.
When caught in his failure to protect Eve and Eden, what did Adam do? He hid from God—or tried to (Gen. 3:9). This speaks to the inborn tendency of many of us when we are either attacked or our sin is exposed. We do not stick around; we get out of Dodge.
Let’s say a conflict arises in our home. Instead of doing the hard work of pursuing reconciliation through accountability, calm discussion, and humble repentance, a disappearing man busts out of the house. He evades accountability and responsibility. Some men think they’re manly if they shout loudly and exert their will; when a man and his family are in a rough place, however, the truly manly way forward is to face hard reality, embrace humility, and form a plan to surmount obstacles.
Second, some men grow angry.
This is the way of Cain. When the Lord accepts Abel’s sacrifice and is not pleased with Cain, Cain lashes out. He kills Abel (Gen. 4:8). He gives in to the Satanic temptation to show “strength” in a moment of anger that is no true strength at all.
We see men sinfully lashing out at a culture they perceive as hostile all around us today. Most of the public shooters who terrorize and kill innocent people are men, many of them angry young men from broken homes. We have many angry men today, including a good number in the church.
Third, some men embrace effeminacy.
An effeminate man does not only dress or act in a feminine way, going against Scripture’s ideal (Deut. 22:5; 1 Cor. 11:14–15). More broadly, he chooses weakness over courage. Gideon, for example, did so repeatedly (Judges 6–8). He failed to find his strength in the Lord.
Effeminacy is a widespread problem today. In a gender-neutral age, people have been trained to think of any form of manliness as laughable. But Scripture does not scoff. Paul tells the Corinthian church to “act like men,” a summons that is synonymous with showing courage (1 Cor. 16:13). This exhortation is notable, for ancient Corinth was a gender-bending context like ours. Yet it was to those Christians that Paul gave his clearest apostolic direction on honoring God’s design of manhood and womanhood. His words still speak today.
Fourth, some men embrace extremity.
This is the way of Samson, who used his God-given power for fleshly gratification, not faithful glorification. Over the course of his adult life, Samson failed to see that his strength was a gift from God, and broke apart a life that could have been used in a far more God-honoring way (Judges 13–16).
Samson’s chosen way of life is not an uncommon pursuit among young men today. In the age of feminism, many young men have gravitated toward what you could call “extreme manhood.” Feeling insecure and weak, and desiring to prove their manhood, they flock to the videos of Andrew Tate, treat women like objects, and build excessive bodily “armor” in the weight room. Exaggerated men are constantly trying to prove something; this way of life is deeply insecure.
The Men We Need Today
Having studied four forms of deficient manhood, let us now consider what godly manhood looks like in contrast.
First, we need men who stay.
When the going gets rough, we need men who do not leave. Such men do not abandon the hard work before them, whether that means repairing their marriage, investing afresh in their children, or finding a new job after being fired. These are men who are committed to stability in a gospel-driven way (see Col. 1:23). They want to be steadfast, not wild-eyed and wavering.
Men of this kind model commitment; they are not blown around by the wind, liable to freak out, prone to explosive moodiness. These are patient men, persevering men, calm men. From their cheerful stability, a wife is strengthened, children are encouraged, churches are buttressed, and communities are helped.
Second, we need men who are gentle.
There are too many angry men around us. This is true even in the church. Too many men have let themselves enter a state of perma-frustration. When they get together with their brothers, they rail at the culture rather than humbly praising the Lord and giving thanks to him.
We need gentle men like Jesus (Matt. 11:29). We need men who can soothe a struggling wife, calm down an agitated son, and rock a tiny baby to sleep in their strong arms. Gentleness does not mean the absence of strength, of course; gentleness actually implies the presence of strength, albeit strength under control. Such men are not fire-starters, twitchy and touchy; they are approachable, open to reason, and easy to engage.
Third, we need men who are strong.
Here we think of how David spoke to Solomon as David lay dying. His central message to his son was this: be strong in God (1 Kgs. 2:1–4). Spiritual strength means that God’s grace has overcome your sin. You are no longer ruled by sin; through the Spirit, you live wisely, soberly, and carefully.
Your strength is not anchored your bench-pressing exploits. Your strength is anchored in God. This entails that you show courage throughout your life: you have hard conversations that must take place, you stand up to evil, you proclaim the whole counsel of God (including the unpopular parts), and you do what is right even when few join you.
This spiritual strength in turn ripples through all of your life. You no longer live in mental weakness, emotional wildness, and physical decrepitude. You reject all this. You pray a great deal for God to grow you and help you and change you. You know that you are a weak man offered great strength in Christ, and you claim that gift.
Fourth, we need men who are balanced.
Men love to hear a call to courage. After all, we’re the ones who watch war movies to relax! Many of us look to Joshua as an example, considering God’s call to the young war-leader: “Only be strong and very courageous” (Josh. 1:7).
Yet we might miss what comes right after that bracing charge: “being careful to do according to all the law that Moses my servant commanded you.” A courageous man must also be a self-controlled man, a thoughtful man, a balanced man. These are the kind of men we need very strongly today. We do not need men who fire up social media to enact faux heroism through the weapon of their keyboard. We need men who live in self-control, respectfulness, and godliness.
While some men are called to epic bravery, the ordinary calling of most godly men is not all that exciting. We should indeed go to war against the devil every day we live (Eph. 6:10–20), but we should do so knowing that much of our martial activity looks rather basic: Praying. Reading the Bible. Meditating on Scripture. Repenting of our sin. Calmly teaching our children. Tenderly listening to our wife. None of this will rocket you up the podcast charts, but all of it honors the Lord when done through the power of the gospel of grace.
Conclusion
Many evil trends are afoot. But God has not abandoned men (nor women). God is doing a new work. God is taking men of fleshliness and making us men of faith. We do not need superstar men or celebrity pastors or angry podcasters. We need men who stay, men who show gentleness, men who cultivate spiritual strength, men who are balanced in all ways as Christ the true man was.
Today, we need fathers like the Father, men who will protect their family, lead their family, and provide for their family. We do not need tough men or tender men. We need tough men who are tender men, bold men who are kind men. The world tells us we are toxic, but this is a lie. We are sinners all, but God loves to take what evil has ruined, and the world despises, and redeem it.
Let us pray for God to raise up these kind of men in our day.
